Pranks
by EnterpriseCaptain
Summary: Jim gets bored and poor, poor Bones is the victim.
1. Alarm Clock

It was entirely Kirk's fault and, if confronted, he would take full responsibility for it. Or credit. Depending on who was doing the confronting, it could go either way.

It all started when he got bored on his off shift. And when he discovered a spare code to Bones' room.

It was _not _his fault that Bones kept a modified Earth alarm clock. It was _not _his fault that Bones let that slip at breakfast. It _may _have been his fault that he knew how to reset it.

He began by following Bones back to his room after their shift ended. He then spent about an hour waiting around performing pointless tasks just to keep up the illusion of being busy. He then slipped back to the door, listened at it for a second just to check that Bones wasn't moving around (ignoring the strange looks of passersby) and tapped in the code, wincing as the door made a quiet sliding noise.

He then crept into the room, taking the opportunity to look around. He'd never been in Bones' room before, and he wanted to make sure Bones was actually asleep. From a quick glance at the bed, he was. Kirk's eyes then moved to the bedside table, which was occupied by a water bottle, a picture of his daughter (Kirk's eyes stayed there for a second as he felt sorry for Bones), a pager, his communicator, and, as promised, an alarm clock.

Kirk tiptoed across the floor, careful not to make any noise. He then silently picked up the alarm clock and pressed the button to start resetting the alarm.

A loud, electronic beep sounded through the room.

Kirk froze, holding his breath.

Bones didn't move.

Kirk let out the breath and pushed another button, wincing as it made the same noise as the first one.

In this painstaking fashion, Kirk picked his way through multiple menus, finally setting the alarm to go off in just over an hour.

Much, much earlier than Bones had it set. With the volume on full.

He was about to leave when one final evil urge hit him. He looked around for paper and pencil, finally finding some sticky notes on a lower shelf of the bedside table and a pen on the floor. He quickly scribbled a note: _good morning, sunshine!_ _–Kirk _and stuck it on the top of the alarm clock, where Bones would be sure to see it.

He then crept out of the room, relieved as the door slid shut behind him with Bones still sound asleep, none the wiser. He turned around and leaned against the door, feeling a laugh bubble up inside him. He finally laughed, loudly and gleefully, pumping his fist in the air and jumping up and down a few times. The prank was set.

He kept laughing as he sprinted back to his quarters. No one even reacted in the corridors. They were used to him pulling these kinds of stunts on his off shift and frankly, no one minded. It lightened the place up a bit.

Bones snapped awake to a god-awful hellish blaring noise next to his right ear. He sat bolt upright, turning around to find the source and crashing out of his bed. He hauled himself up and found the bedside table, slamming his hand down on the snooze button and deactivating the alarm before he actually noticed what time it was.

_Had he really set the alarm that early? There was no way._

Then he saw the note.

_Good morning, sunshine! –Kirk_.

Bones was ready to kill.

He stumbled over to the door and slammed it open, not even bothering to change out of his pajamas. He then went charging down the corridors (holding the note) to Kirk's room. When he got there, he slammed open the door (Kirk never locked his door unless he was asleep, and Bones _knew _he wasn't, not now) and stood there fuming.

Kirk sat on the bed with a cup of coffee from the mess hall next to him, calmly reading a book.

Bones held up the note and glared at him.

"Dammit Jim-"

Kirk cut him off, grinning.

"Good morning, sunshine!"

Bones' glare intensified.

"Jim, I swear to god, I'm going to kill you."

Then Bones realized that it was, in fact, really early, and slumped against the doorframe. He was too tired for this shit. He hit his forehead on the doorframe.

Kirk just laughed and Bones went back to bed, resolving to change the code on his door and use a different alarm clock. One that Kirk _didn't _know how to program.


	2. Nail Polish

It was to be Kirk's greatest triumph.

Well, perhaps not his _greatest _triumph. But hands down his greatest triumph where it came to pranking Bones.

All it took was a little nail polish. And there were more than enough female crewmembers on board to supply all he needed.

It had been ages since Kirk last pranked Bones. And seeing as how the alarm clock prank went of so well, he was looking to try something a little more… long lasting this time.

He started by collecting colors. He wanted a wide range to choose from, and it wasn't like he had anything better to do in his spare time.

He figured he'd try Uhura first. Not that he'd ever seen her wearing nail polish, but it seemed like a good place to begin.

Needless to say, that conversation ended with him getting kicked out of Uhura's room (again) and with a glass of water dumped on his head. He didn't talk about it.

Next he went (tentatively) to try Nurse Chapel. He brought a towel this time.

Much to his surprise, _that _conversation ended with her handing him a small bag full of nail polish bottles and warning him not to tell anyone.

He grinned and promised not to. She smacked him anyway.

The next logical person to ask was Yeoman Rand.

Oh, shit. _Yeoman Rand._

Chapel had given him a few good colors, but he still wanted more options. Asking Rand was unavoidable.

He sucked it up and headed to the dining hall, where he was pretty sure he'd find her this time of day. Relentlessly hunting down cadets with unfinished paperwork. In heels.

Sure enough, she was standing sternly next to a redshirt and holding out a PADD. The officer looked scared. Kirk considered backing out. But by now he was far too invested in the prank to let go that easily.

Taking a deep breath, he marched up to her and asked her if he could talk to her. She looked at him searchingly for a second, and then nodded. The redshirt looked seriously relieved. He took another breath. No beating around the bush, then.

"Do you have any nail polish?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Exploring your feminine side?"

Kirk glared. "No! It's for Bones!"

Her other eyebrow went up.

Kirk shook his head. Better try again. "No, no, no. Let me rephrase that. It's for a _prank_ with Bones as the _victim_."

She laughed, surprising him.

"Yes, I have nail polish. Only a couple colors, though."

"Wait… I've never seen you wearing any…."

She smiled. "How do you think I hide scuff marks on my heels?"

He blinked. He'd never thought of that.

"Can I borrow some?"

"Only if you give me pictures when it's done."

"Deal."

"Okay. What colors do you want?"

"Well…. Chapel gave me a bunch, so all I'm missing for a full rainbow is red."

"Oh, I have lots of that. I'll be right back."

She marched off. A few minutes later, she returned, brining not one, not two, but _three_ shades of red nail polish. He thanked her and was about to head back to his room when she stopped him.

"Oh, and Jim?"

"Yeah?" 

"While you're here…" She held out the PADD.

He groaned. He should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

Ten minutes later, he was seated on his bed with seven bottles of nail polish spread out in front of him. The three red from Rand, and the blue, purple, yellow, and black from Chapel. And he'd be damned if he had any idea what to do.

He figured a good place to start would be to list his options. After some serious thinking, he came up with a blank piece of paper.

After some more serious thinking, he came up with a pretty good list:

Little Starfleet symbols in multiple colors (if he had the skill to pull it off)

Little hearts in multiple colors (he was fairly confident he could do this one)

Polka dots

Writing (although what he would write, he wasn't sure)

Eventually he decided on a mix: he would put his initials (JTK) and two little hearts on Bones' right hand, and hearts on the left.

This was gonna be good.


End file.
